i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
