life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
NoShamevember. You game?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
