apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Drake has all the answers
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
