he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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