If i could tip my vagina, i would.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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