Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
