I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
