walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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