It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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