Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
