You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
