I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
