found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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