i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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