omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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