Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
