those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
