I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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