your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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