mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
