By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
