all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
