Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
