we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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