Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
