I think i peed on brittanys purse
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
