he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
