these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
