Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
