I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
