Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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