I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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