So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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