chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
