Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
