Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
