Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
