Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
