On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
of course. lets lasso hookers.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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