Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
