Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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