Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
