Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
