I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
