so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
