he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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