cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
