Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
