My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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