I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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