I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
