if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
even my farts smell like vagina
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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