he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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