You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
